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- Murderer,
There was no harm, but it was irritating me. It was stubbornly bothering me. The more I chased it, the more it came back. I was patient and trying to understand it. I thought if I understood what it wanted from me and gave it what it wanted, it would leave. I changed the room. Now I was in a mood that could harm it. It came there too, as if following the light. My patience began to be strained. I said, "Patience," and waited. It started bothering me again. When I thought there was nothing more to do, there was a knock on the door. When I opened the door, I had opened it to my favorite person. I welcomed them in with a big welcome. We went to the living room and sat down. We were breaking the back of the conversation when it came again and started bothering that most beloved person of mine. I began to think that it deserved death and made a plan. I was going to kill it with a pillow when it least expected it. This cruelty inside me fueled me even more. I said, "Whatever happens, happens." I showed so much tolerance and it didn't deserve these feelings of mine. Okay, you also have a life but you won't bother me anymore. Nor my guest. I quietly took the pillow. I lay in wait to catch its motionless moment. I recorded its movements inside the house in my brain. Now this was a war and I had to know how my enemy behaved. In fact, this war had been initiated by wronging my most beloved person. That moment came. I slowly got up from where I was sitting. I tightly held the pillow with both hands. It's almost over. It will pay for what it has done. I slowly approached it. It looked quite vulnerable and pitiful. This is it, it's over, I thought. I lifted the pillow and was about to put it down. Damn fly flew. I couldn't see where it went. Fortunately, I narrowly escaped from being a murderer at the last moment. Interestingly, I never saw that fly again in the house.
- Tankut ÖZTUNA Hikayeleri
EŞİK It seems that I was feeling strange. I felt like I was shaking as if there was an earthquake. I was really scared and went to the family doctor. Tests, blood pressure measurements... My blood pressure was higher than normal, and the doctor who increased my medication dose immediately told me to quit drinking. He was giving me advice about how I needed to live. He said I needed to be healthy to take care of my disabled child. But did he ever ask me if I wanted to live? There were feelings in me that I couldn't shout at him when he said, "Why do you drink, Tankut Bey?" I felt like explaining why I drank would solve everything. I just took it quietly, I don't know doctor, I just drink, I said. He said if I didn't quit, I was at high risk of a heart attack. If I were really afraid of death, I would have been affected by what he said. The only thing I was afraid of was not having experienced that feeling, and I would experience it one day. Either today or tomorrow. People are selfish, doctor, I wish I could say to my doctor. Their selfishness has consumed me. Even my disabled child is selfish. He only thinks of himself. My students are selfish, as long as they need me, I'm important to them. My family is selfish. Even though my blood pressure is high, they're selfish enough to ask me to take them to the market. Selfish enough to carry their burdens in the heat of the afternoon market. I attribute their complaints about not paying enough attention to them to their old age. I don't have my own life, doctor. I'm living other people's lives. I wanted to say there's me within the limits they've given me, but I couldn't. I left the health center and came home. I turned on the channel my son wanted and started drinking. Every moment I drank belonged to me. I became myself. Where am I then? On the verge of wanting to die. 25.06.2022 Alanya